Helium is good for the bones
by M.N. Arias
Summary: Joker decides to play a little prank on Garrus's birthday, helium and broken bones


**A/N Hunter here with another One-shot at least I think it will be a one shot.**

* * *

Joker had spent a lot of money to find out it was Garrus's birthday today, "EDI did the package come?" he asks.

"Yes," EDI responds popping up from her platform, "it is in the starboard Cargo bay."

"Good, can you take controls?" Joker asks EDI as he stands up, "I need to prepare the birthday boy."

" Mr. Monroe," EDI says as Joker walks with a limp to the elevator.

When Joker walks to the elevator Shepard comes up to him, "Joker what are you doing?" she asks him.

"I'm going to put helium in Garrus's room," Joker says with a serious face, and Shepard chuckles, "What's so funny?" he asks.

Shepard crosses her arm and leans back on the console she was standing at, "If you were serious about that," she pauses for dramatic effect, "I might have to break your legs."

Joker laughed nervously, "Relax I'm only going to the bathroom," he says as he backs into the elevator and hits the button for the engineering deck a little too hard and cracks his thumb, "Son of a bitch!" he screams when the door closes, "Crap Shepard is scary," he says as he rubs his thumb.

Joker got into the cargo bay and went to the Starboard Cargo deck, where Grunt was staying, "Hey Grunt did a package arrive?" Joker says nervously, him and the Krogan never got along, too many incidents where Grunt tried to shoot him because he was weak.

"What do you want weakling?" Grunt asks as he looks for his shotgun, _Whenever I have this runt alone I can never find that damned shotgun_, he thinks as he gives up.

"A package," Joker smiles, he had Jacob put all of Grunt's weapons in the armory while the krogan was asleep, he had to pay a lot for that, Jacob swears that he heard Grunt stir a few times as he grabbed the shotgun that he caressed in his arms.

"This thing just arrived an hour ago," Grunt tells him as he hefts a helium tank out, "catch," he says as he pretends to throw it, and Joker jumps out-of-the-way, landing badly and cracking a toe.

"Dammit Grunt!" he yells as he limps over and grabs the tank, "I'll get you back for this," he tells the laughing krogan, then walks out with a bigger limp and a cracked toe. He painfully walks down to the space that Jack occupies and when he gets there Jack looks at him.

"Come down to get a look fucker?" she asks saying his nickname for him, ever since that joke about the no clothes she's been calling him that.

"No I have to use the maintenance shafts for something," he says as he puts the tank on the ground next to the shaft and climbs into it.

Jack looks at the idiot as he climbs in, "You must really like those shafts," she says as he brings the helium tank in.

Joker grunts, "That's what she said," he tells the psychotic biotic, as he crawls away.

"Fuck you!" she shouts as she throws a shockwave sending Joker into the wall.

"There goes my ribs," he says as he shakes his head and keeps crawling, "totally worth the joke!" he shouts as he climbs the ladder that would take him to the crew deck,

Once over the main batteries Joker took a hose that was on the helium tank and put it through the vent above Garrus, "Let's see how you like this," he says silently laughing as he turns the nozzle so that it slowly let's helium into the room, once done there he starts crawling away but fails to notice a loose vent in front of him and falls, breaking his arm, "Son of a bitch!" he yells as he lands in the med bay, "Well that's convenient," he says.

"Mr. Monroe!" Chawkwas says startled by Joker's sudden appearance, "You had better have a good reason for dropping in unexpectedly," she says as she sees his arm.

"Well I have a few good reasons, but can we get this in a caste?" he says not feeling like pulling another joke today, "I'm tired and my works about to pay off," he says as he sees the "Happy Birthday Garrus" sign being put up.

* * *

**30 minutes later. **

Garrus was working on calibrations when Joker came in with a cast on his arm and foot, "Don't talk and close your eyes," he says seriously. Garrus was about to protest when Joker stopped him, "Listen to me or so help me I will take the railing and stick it so far up your ass your father would feel it," effectively making Garrus listen to Joker.

_Is he going to kiss me? _Garrus asks as Joker takes his hand, _If he kisses me I'll make sure he won't have any lips to kiss with again._

Joker lead Garrus outside to the surprise birthday party that he had organized, "All right open your eyes," he says and Garrus sees the party, "before you say anything I need you to give a speech, I took the liberty of writing it down for you."

_Is this really Joker? _Garrus asks stunned at the generosity of the man before him as he took the file that Joker sent him with the speech on it, he cleared his throat which he thought sounded a little odd then spoke in a odd squeaky voice that he didn't expect, "_Hello friends," _everyone starts laughing a little, he clears his throat again, "_I thank you for attending my party," _he coughs hoping to get rid of the ridiculous voice, and everyone laughs harder, _"and I would like to thank Joker..."_ everyone is laughing their ass off, and Garrus looks at Joker and glares, "_I'm going to kill you!"_ he shouts in all his squeaky glory as Joker tries to get away, but runs into Shepard who is shooting daggers at him.

"If looks could kill," Joker says, "I'd be dead in the next life," he jokes as Shepard glows biotically.

"What did I say I would do if you put helium in Garrus's room?" She asks as her eyes start glowing red.

"That you would break my legs..." Joker says as he cringes.

Shepard smiles sadistically as Joker is covered in blue and a loud *CRACK* is heard throughout the mess hall.

* * *

**And there we are, I feel bad for Joker, so much trouble just for one prank, oh well he was warned, and I like Joker, so don't call me a hater.**

**Hunter out.**


End file.
